School

School has started. I'm a week into it and I finally got my locker open on Wednesday. Most people would leave it at that, but I won't. I was nervous the entire first three days. In other words felt sick. There were three things that helped me through it though. 1. Remembering Sunday 2.Jasey Rae 3.Ignorance. Sure they're all songs, but music means a lot to me. My iPod hardly ever leaves my side. Even at school (it's sits waiting for me in my mom's car in the parking lot)...........................(a week passes)

This are pretty much the same as last week if not better. I'm not as nervous. I'm doing really good in my classes. It's only the first the first week though(*thinks to self* Mary stop doing that. You always think the worst of yourself. You always do great). I got my MCT2 scores back. I got Advanced on both my English and Math test. I knew I probably did because I got in both the Math and English honors classes.

Jerrica already has a boyfriend. He likes the same bands we do (which is great). He has nice hair (also great). Did I have a little crush on him at first? Yes. She knows that now and considered breaking up with him but I said it was okay. You see, he's in my homeroom. He sits a table away from me. I admit the first day I didn't even realize he was in my homeroom. But I did notice him. I would never had known his name unless Jerrica had told me she liked him. the reason I said I didn't care was because when she asked him in P.E. (i go to band so i wasn't there)
if he knew if he knew who "Mary Holland" was (btw she didn't know I liked him then, but I knew that she did) he had no idea. So why chase someone who doesn't bother to know who you are. Okay and I may be just a little bit jealous.

Speaking of band, we have our first football game this Thursday. My mom (former drum-major of the award winning Stone County marching band) is chaperoning my bus. I'm kind of glad she'll be there for my first game. Too bad Jerrica quit band. : ( I guess that's all I have to say.

Sincerely,
Mary/ ParaMary/ Bella/ Leah
(P.S. listen to "Into Your Arms" by The Maine. I'm in love with it.)

So much for writing every day. I bought an iPod Touch, so I'm hardly ever on the computer any more. Since I last posted my uncle got married, we had the big Holland family reunion, and I've fallen in love with All Time Low. They're amazing. My new all time favorite song is Remembering Sunday by All Time Low. I also have been watching a lot of Shane Dawaon's YouTube videos. They're a little vulgar and weird, they're really funny. Check out "Emo Breakup". I'm sending this via email so I can post a little at a time.
Till next time,
Mary = ParaMary / Bella / Leah

Sent from my iPod

Reply To Hayley William's Post

Hayley Williams recently posted this on livejounal (excerpt).......

"......it’s scary when you start to really know yourself.. and learn who you are… in spite of what people think you are. that’s been the last 2 years of my life. holding on to what i believe and love. learning my heart and not apologizing for it. it’s a hard thing to do. you lose people and in some cases, stability. until you wonder if it was even worth it to hold fast to what matters to YOU. is it worth it? i am still learning. finding out if it’s okay with me that i give up preconceived notions of what it means to have it all. cause sometimes having your heart in tact feels like the loneliest thing in the world. if there’s anything that ties all 3 of our records together… as different as i say they are… it’s this one common thread: you can receive blessings. you can have your dreams. but they all come at a cost. you have to give up something. as for me? in my personal life, i gave up comfort, acceptance, stability. in order to break away from a facade that i felt i lived beneath for a long time. i gave up what a lot of people knew as “Hayley” in order to be who i believe is the real me. and in order to live life more fully. 18…19…20, it’s a pretty normal age to do a thing like that, right? everything comes at a cost. not one thing in life, with any value, is free.

so what do you value? what cost the most? and was it worth what you paid?......"

This is how I commented...

I feel like you took a deep breath after writing that. You guys helped me find myself. I’m not just the sweet little girl that makes good grades and never gets in trouble. I’m that plus I love alternative and dress in punk fashion. Before that I was lost;I didn’t know where I was going next. I know who I am now.

What I value? Knowing and being who I am.

What is the cost? Troubled looks from family members,turned up noses from former friends,and scornful glares from people who don’t agree.

Was it worth it? Completely.I know who I am. I walk proudly ,with my head held high, knowing that I am who I am and no one can change that.

I thank them for so much. Maybe that's the reason they're such a big part in my life. I may be posting every day now that I'm out of school (I was second in the class.My best friend beat me by 0.4). I don't care if know one ever reads my blog. I'll keep writing. I'm free to say what I feel not having any boundaries. I do it because I love it, not because people are listening.

QUICK POST!PARAMORE ON DISNEY CHANNEL!UG!

The world is ending!! Ending I tell you!!! Ok maybe I'm overreacting. Ok there's no maybe in it but still. Paramore's "Decode" is on Disney XD. Exposure is good ,but this? The end my soon come to them, well at least the way they are is. The reason I liked the Twilight movie because it still had an independent film feel with all the craze over it. Paramore has had that for so long but could this be the end of it? Could it?

The Gifted Program

Legislature met lately in Mississippi to discuss add-on programs. This includes the gifted program. The program my mother teaches. I would die if the canceled it and, so would many others. All the students in our gifted program had/has a IQ (intellectual quotient) level of 120 or over. The average IQ level for the general population is only 90. Most of us took this test this test in the summer between first and second grade. Probably all of the valedictorians in our county have been in this program or should have been. Nearly all my friends are in it too and one of us is bound to finish in at least the top five or ten in our class.It's one of the only places we can be ourselves because we can be ourselves. Where

Maybe it will survive and my mother will keep her job. The had a scare when No Child Left Behind came around with all that "closing the gap" stuff. Nonsense is what it was. If it does get canceled you'll bound to see me on T.V. protesting for my rights. I ask the legislature this: What would you rather do? Save a little bit of money and take away from a child's education or, cut something else ,that is actually unnecessary, and keep the wonderful programs like this one in schools?

Protected

I wrote this just before spring break and have been tinkering with it since then. So enjoy!

We are all protected
By something that isn't alive
Weather a favorite book
Or beloved iPod
Something in which to put your heart
And attempt to make others'
Splendidly appealing thoughts and feelings of happiness
your very own
Protected

These things shelter us
They give us a place to hide from the truth
A place to hide from what we know in our hearts we want-
A beating,loving heart
A soothing voice
For the music
Nor the book
Loves us
We only feel we need it to fill the space that is left
Protected

We want something that's real
Something that is alive
And will always be there
No matter how we try
To hide and shy away
To shine needed light on us
Keeping us safer than the other things ever did
Protected

But when you have what you wanted
You know the truth
And you've found what you once longed for
No protection is needed
The book nor the iPod is a necessity anymore
Because what you once only believed in "fairy tales"
Which filled the songs and books
That seemed to keep you "alive"
Has become real in your life
No longer having
Protection

Enough so
To fill dozens of books and songs
For the rest of the group
To which you once belonged
Giving them what you needed
A little hope and .............
Protection


But Maybe it wasn't your protection at all
That was given
And alas,it was just .........

Hope

I LOVE this dude's music. He is amazing! Danish and a lot older than me though. He does awesome covers and writes good songs. I found him through searching 'Paramore covers' on YouTube. His name is Matt Lysgaard. No I don't have much to report, but I just couldn't wait to post this one thing.