Birth Day/Nevershoutnever

It's been a week since my birthday. A year ago I would never imagined my thirteenth birthday to be the way it was. I mean the actual day was great, but I didn't have the same feeling that I usually do. My life is so different than I would expected. No best friend. No person (other than one family) to lean on. One of the things that has gotten me through it? Music, as always. Especially Nevershoutnever. Christofer Drew Ingle (the genius behind it all) has saved me. He is amazing. It doesn't hurt that he's cute too. He sounds just as good live as he does on the record. His range is amazing. I'm looking forward to his full-length in January. I even MAYBE will get to go to a concert in New Orleans. Listen to "Liar,Liar", "Heregoesnorhing", and "Simple Enough".

It's been so long since I posted anything. Two months to be exact. A lot has happened. The new Paramore record came out, my brother's birthday, and the fact that Jerrica has completely replaced me.The new record is amazing. It sounds like they hardly auto-tuned it at all ( which is a good thing) and you can really hear Hayley's voice. I love every part of it. It was the worth the wait. This week is my brothers birthday. He's ten. He always gets mad because i never mention him. So look Harrison, I just did.The main point of this post is the fact that Jerrica has completely and absolutely replaced me. First we were just meeting new people and not talking as much. But then, she met HER. I won't say HER name, but after Jerrica met her she started to worship HER. I can't say much else though. So I guess that's it. Listen to Mayday Parade's When I Get Home Your So Dead

School

School has started. I'm a week into it and I finally got my locker open on Wednesday. Most people would leave it at that, but I won't. I was nervous the entire first three days. In other words felt sick. There were three things that helped me through it though. 1. Remembering Sunday 2.Jasey Rae 3.Ignorance. Sure they're all songs, but music means a lot to me. My iPod hardly ever leaves my side. Even at school (it's sits waiting for me in my mom's car in the parking lot)...........................(a week passes)

This are pretty much the same as last week if not better. I'm not as nervous. I'm doing really good in my classes. It's only the first the first week though(*thinks to self* Mary stop doing that. You always think the worst of yourself. You always do great). I got my MCT2 scores back. I got Advanced on both my English and Math test. I knew I probably did because I got in both the Math and English honors classes.

Jerrica already has a boyfriend. He likes the same bands we do (which is great). He has nice hair (also great). Did I have a little crush on him at first? Yes. She knows that now and considered breaking up with him but I said it was okay. You see, he's in my homeroom. He sits a table away from me. I admit the first day I didn't even realize he was in my homeroom. But I did notice him. I would never had known his name unless Jerrica had told me she liked him. the reason I said I didn't care was because when she asked him in P.E. (i go to band so i wasn't there)
if he knew if he knew who "Mary Holland" was (btw she didn't know I liked him then, but I knew that she did) he had no idea. So why chase someone who doesn't bother to know who you are. Okay and I may be just a little bit jealous.

Speaking of band, we have our first football game this Thursday. My mom (former drum-major of the award winning Stone County marching band) is chaperoning my bus. I'm kind of glad she'll be there for my first game. Too bad Jerrica quit band. : ( I guess that's all I have to say.

Sincerely,
Mary/ ParaMary/ Bella/ Leah
(P.S. listen to "Into Your Arms" by The Maine. I'm in love with it.)

So much for writing every day. I bought an iPod Touch, so I'm hardly ever on the computer any more. Since I last posted my uncle got married, we had the big Holland family reunion, and I've fallen in love with All Time Low. They're amazing. My new all time favorite song is Remembering Sunday by All Time Low. I also have been watching a lot of Shane Dawaon's YouTube videos. They're a little vulgar and weird, they're really funny. Check out "Emo Breakup". I'm sending this via email so I can post a little at a time.
Till next time,
Mary = ParaMary / Bella / Leah

Sent from my iPod

Reply To Hayley William's Post

Hayley Williams recently posted this on livejounal (excerpt).......

"......it’s scary when you start to really know yourself.. and learn who you are… in spite of what people think you are. that’s been the last 2 years of my life. holding on to what i believe and love. learning my heart and not apologizing for it. it’s a hard thing to do. you lose people and in some cases, stability. until you wonder if it was even worth it to hold fast to what matters to YOU. is it worth it? i am still learning. finding out if it’s okay with me that i give up preconceived notions of what it means to have it all. cause sometimes having your heart in tact feels like the loneliest thing in the world. if there’s anything that ties all 3 of our records together… as different as i say they are… it’s this one common thread: you can receive blessings. you can have your dreams. but they all come at a cost. you have to give up something. as for me? in my personal life, i gave up comfort, acceptance, stability. in order to break away from a facade that i felt i lived beneath for a long time. i gave up what a lot of people knew as “Hayley” in order to be who i believe is the real me. and in order to live life more fully. 18…19…20, it’s a pretty normal age to do a thing like that, right? everything comes at a cost. not one thing in life, with any value, is free.

so what do you value? what cost the most? and was it worth what you paid?......"

This is how I commented...

I feel like you took a deep breath after writing that. You guys helped me find myself. I’m not just the sweet little girl that makes good grades and never gets in trouble. I’m that plus I love alternative and dress in punk fashion. Before that I was lost;I didn’t know where I was going next. I know who I am now.

What I value? Knowing and being who I am.

What is the cost? Troubled looks from family members,turned up noses from former friends,and scornful glares from people who don’t agree.

Was it worth it? Completely.I know who I am. I walk proudly ,with my head held high, knowing that I am who I am and no one can change that.

I thank them for so much. Maybe that's the reason they're such a big part in my life. I may be posting every day now that I'm out of school (I was second in the class.My best friend beat me by 0.4). I don't care if know one ever reads my blog. I'll keep writing. I'm free to say what I feel not having any boundaries. I do it because I love it, not because people are listening.

QUICK POST!PARAMORE ON DISNEY CHANNEL!UG!

The world is ending!! Ending I tell you!!! Ok maybe I'm overreacting. Ok there's no maybe in it but still. Paramore's "Decode" is on Disney XD. Exposure is good ,but this? The end my soon come to them, well at least the way they are is. The reason I liked the Twilight movie because it still had an independent film feel with all the craze over it. Paramore has had that for so long but could this be the end of it? Could it?

The Gifted Program

Legislature met lately in Mississippi to discuss add-on programs. This includes the gifted program. The program my mother teaches. I would die if the canceled it and, so would many others. All the students in our gifted program had/has a IQ (intellectual quotient) level of 120 or over. The average IQ level for the general population is only 90. Most of us took this test this test in the summer between first and second grade. Probably all of the valedictorians in our county have been in this program or should have been. Nearly all my friends are in it too and one of us is bound to finish in at least the top five or ten in our class.It's one of the only places we can be ourselves because we can be ourselves. Where

Maybe it will survive and my mother will keep her job. The had a scare when No Child Left Behind came around with all that "closing the gap" stuff. Nonsense is what it was. If it does get canceled you'll bound to see me on T.V. protesting for my rights. I ask the legislature this: What would you rather do? Save a little bit of money and take away from a child's education or, cut something else ,that is actually unnecessary, and keep the wonderful programs like this one in schools?